i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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