you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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