She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
