the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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