Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Redeem this text for a blowjob
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
