oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize