omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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