So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
