I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
