I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
handjob tips. give me some.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize