i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
