she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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