the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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