I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
