I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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