It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
