16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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