yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
