Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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