Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My feet surprised me
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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