True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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