if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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