all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
