Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I believe in your delicious
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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