it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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