I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
