Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
