i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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