U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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