Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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