Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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