I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
