She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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