1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize