Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
