if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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