I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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