I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
