If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
