having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
