I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
And my parents said I crawled through the house
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