JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
