All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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