I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
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Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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