Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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