If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
home. puking in laundry basket.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
COCAINE IS GR8
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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