When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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