we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
