I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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