She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
