I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
