Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
