I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
