Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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