Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Too much gin, very little bucket
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
