i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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