this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
