so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
