and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
